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You again
What is wrong with me?
The second I don’t have someone else in my head, you come back.
I’m sorry this is a really whiney breakup tumblr. I just don’t have anywhere else to get these thoughts out.
But seriously.
The second I don’t have someone else distracting me, there you are.
I thought I was doing so well. I didn’t even want to look at that profile picture you just happened to be in.
And here I am, wanting you again.
I mean, of course I wanted you before. But it was dull and really easy to ignore. It was just like “oh, okay, yeah, of course that’s still there, but it’s fading, it doesn’t matter. And this other person is filling that gap quite nicely.”
And now that other person is gone, and I’m just barely keeping myself from looking at that damn picture.
Still can’t listen to Airborne Toxic Event.
Why do I miss you so much?
Why can’t I move on?
Why have I turned into one of Those Girls?
You know the ones. The ones who refuse to get over the guy they say they’re just madly in love with. The ones who think about you all the time and who drive their friends insane by mentioning you all the time and then crying every month about how much they miss you. WHY am I one of them?
I mean, I think we were different. It’s not like one of us just stopped loving the other. But jesus, are we THAT different? To the point where it’s okay that I’m doing this?
Ugh I don’t even know what the right thing to do is. I can’t just ignore you. I can’t try to keep you in my life with desperate clutches at sand. But this…limbo I’m existing in right now, I don’t think it’s really working. How do you move on from someone you still love and plan to love again?
I mean, maybe I did it for a week. But is there a way to do it without focusing on someone else? There has to be. Maybe I need to find something that makes me completely happy.
But what?
That’s always been you.
Okay that was a little dramatic.
Maybe I just need to pour all of this into an epic composition. Something depressing, something angsty. a little angry. Like Moonlight Sonata. Or Symphony Pathetique. Oh Beethoven, you know me so well.
Part of me just whispered, “Do something dumb. Be with someone you shouldn’t. Live a different life.” Let’s talk about how ridiculous that is for a second.
And yet.
Nope, just kidding.
I’m just lost. It’s fine.
